Pronouns Save Lives

Two teens holding each other while taking a selfie

This simple act of respect is a powerful way to support the well-being of LGBTQ2S+ people in our community.

For nonbinary, gender non-conforming, and trans people, feeling a sense of belonging is crucial for mental health, reducing and preventing suicide. By asking about and using correct pronouns, you show empathy, respect, and affirmation, helping to create a safer and more inclusive environment.

What Are Personal Pronouns?

Personal pronouns are used to refer to ourselves and others. Here are some examples:

She/her/ella
He/him/él
They/then/elle/ellx

Using the right pronouns honors both a person’s gender and cultural identity, particularly in bilingual communities where mixed-language pronouns, such as she/her/ella, he/him/él, they/them/elle, or they/them/ellx, are common and can also express pride in cultural identity.

They/Them/Theirs

While ‘they’ and ‘them’ are frequently used in a plural context, the English language has used they/them as a singular pronoun for centuries. While we might typically think of “they/them/theirs” as a plural pronoun, we actually use they to refer to a an individual person all the time without realizing it, especially when referring to someone whose gender is unknown.

“I got a call from the doctor today.”

"What did they say?”

‍The Reality for LGBTQ2S+ Youth in Ventura County

Studies show that 45% of LGBTQ2S+ high school students in Ventura County have considered suicide.

By using inclusive language and respecting pronouns, we can help lower this alarming statistic.

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Why Pronouns Matter

For people who identify as LGBTQ2S+, being seen and heard is critical to their mental health. When we use correct pronouns, we affirm their existence and foster a sense of belonging. This can have a significant impact on reducing feelings of isolation and suicidal ideation.

Pronouns are not just "preferred"; they are a core part of respectful communication.
Belonging is crucial for everyone's mental health. When someone's pronouns are respected, they feel seen, valued, and included.
Using correct pronouns shows respect for the person's identity, contributing to a more inclusive and supportive environment for all.

Ignoring someone’s pronouns can be hurtful and dismissive, sending harmful messages such as:

"I would prefer if you stopped being honest with me."
"Being who you truly are is an inconvenience to me."
"Offending you is fine if it makes me more comfortable."

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What to Do If You Make a Mistake

Mistakes happen, and the key is how we respond. If you accidentally use the wrong pronouns, follow these steps:

Apologize – Acknowledge the mistake without making a big deal of it.
Correct yourself – Simply restate the sentence with the correct pronouns.
Move on – Avoid over-apologizing, which can make the person feel uncomfortable.

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For example:

"She – I'm sorry, they are running late."

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Asking

Before asking, make sure you have shared your own pronouns. Be mindful that not everyone may share or feel comfortable sharing them with you, and that is okay.

By sharing your own pronouns first, you can create an inclusive environment where others feel more comfortable sharing theirs. Here's how you can approach asking about pronouns:

One-on-One Example:

“Hi, I’m Akeem, and I use ‘they’ pronouns. How should I refer to you?”

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Simple Phrasing:

‍“What pronouns do you use?” or
“What pronouns can I use to refer to you?”

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If you prefer not to share your pronouns, that’s completely fine too—just sharing your name is perfectly OK.

Leading with your own pronouns helps to set the tone for a respectful and open conversation. It also signals to the other person that it’s safe to share their pronouns with you.

We don’t recommend ever forcing people to share their pronouns. That is what we mean by “asking” — it’s about extending an invitation.

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